Warning signs of an unhealthy abusive relationship

It is often hard to see the signs of an unhealthy relationship - especially when you are in one.  All of us enter relationships hoping that they are going to be successful and work out well and it is often hard to let go of that hope.

Sometimes a relationship is unhealthy and abusive and recognising the signs of this is vital for your well being. 

If you recognise any of these signs in your partner you could be in a domestic abusive relationship:

• Excessive jealousy - your partner is overly jealous.  This starts out as flattering and you may take it as a sign he cares.  Be careful if he is jealous about all men you come into contact with, your male friends, people you work with.  If the jealousy gets increasingly worse with no reasoning behind it then this is a massive warning sign.  Does he need to know precise details of ex's, and conversations that you may have day to day with any other male?
• Controlling - does your partner need to be in control of everything. Does he try to tell you what to wear, who to see, what to do, what to eat, who to talk to etc? 
• Monitoring you - does your partner check up on you constantly?  Doe he need to know where you are every minute of the day.  Has he ever followed you, put a track on your mobile, checked your email, social network conversations?
• Mood swings - is he charming one minute having a laugh with you and then flips suddenly and is cold or angry with you?  Does he sulk or get angry if you say or do something that he doesn't like or agree with?  Can he scare you into silence with one glance?
• Isolation - does he prevent you or make it difficult for you to have time alone with your friends and family. For example if you have planned a night out with your friends or weekend away to visit family does he make any excuse to just turn up even though you had wanted some time on your own?
• Denial and Blame - if he upsets you but then turns it round and says its your fault for not stopping him or that you "made him angry" then this is another sign.  He might get angry but try and blame it on a bad day, bad childhood, previous abuse he has suffered.  There is never an acceptable excuse for abuse.

If you can recognise these signs and think you may be in an abusive relationship please get some help there are plenty of websites you can visit to get advise.  Look on my website for numbers.

For those of you reading this who have read Fifty Shade of Grey but did not see the signs of domestic abuse then look at it again with this in mind as the character Christian Grey has all of these characteristics.  Abuse can be subtle, we can be swept along with the romance and charm that abusers often start with.  Make no mistake once they have you emotionally attached all the negative aspects of their character listed above will become increasingly worse and will not end in the happy ending that books like this lead us to