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My response to Daisy Wyatt's article in The Independent: The Sob Factor: Is Jahmene Douglas the X Factors Bravest Contestant?

12/11/2012

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Put simply - your article would have been more worthwhile and less offensive to anyone who has ever been effected by Domestic Abuse if underneath the title of your article you had just written "YES" !!

It deeply saddens me that I live in a society where people criticise someone whose family have not only survived domestic abuse, but then lost a brother who committed suicide because of the pain he had been through and yet the same society offers £100k to a man (Justin Lee Collins) recently convicted of harassment to go into the Celebrity Big Brother House with no regard to how detrimental this will be to his victim and other domestic abuse victims.

It is disgusting that we criticise the victims and promote the abusers...and then we wonder why we live in a society where 1 in 4 women suffer domestic abuse and 2 per week die.

As a domestic abuse campaigner I raise awareness and we speak about the unspoken crime. We encourage victims to get help and speak out ....and then articles like this show no sympathy whatsoever and dismiss their horrific experiences as nothing more than a "sob story".  The people whose lives have been effected are written about with no regard to the fact that they are actually human beings.  Jahmene is featured first and then the other X factor contestants are listed like its some kind of chart.  Lets not forget that these are real people with real feelings.

Jahmene Douglas' publicity has so far raised £10K for Womens Aid and he has taken on the role as Ambassador for Children and Young People.  I suggest that before people belittle what he has been through as "the biggest sob story" they should  take a look at themselves and and question whether they could not only bounce back after abuse and then the tragic loss of a brother, but also then speak out and help raise awareness and raise much needed money that other victims will benefit from.

Jahmene being in the public eye will have already benefited people, and helped those who are suffering or have suffered domestic abuse to speak out.  In contrast Daisy's article is of benefit to no one....as to these stories pulling on your heart strings I would question whether anyone who could write a article so coldly listing peoples tragedies could even have one,.

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Why domestic abuse needs to be taken more seriously

12/7/2012

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Nearly every day this this week I have read a news story about a domestic abuse murder, yet when I google "domestic abuse news" none of them appear.  Domestic abuse is still a hidden crime.  These murders may be covered in news articles but they are seldom labelled as "domestic abuse" or "domestic violence" crimes.  Journalists prefer to paint a picture of a partner "acting out of character", "flipping", "having a mental breakdown", someone with financial problems and no way out, or any other issue that may have caused them to carry out this "isolated incident", or more disturbingly they focus on what the murdered partner could have possibly said or done which caused their partner to kill them.  The very nature of domestic abuse is that it is directed at a partner, it is a repeated pattern of abuse and carried out behind closed doors...when a woman is murdered by her partner it is DOMESTIC ABUSE and the press should be labelling it this way rather than attempting to excuse the crime.

If domestic abuse was reported in the media as the horrendous crime that it is, maybe we wouldn't see as much of the idolising of perpetrators such as Chris Brown.  In the court hearing we were told how he repeatedly punched, and bit Rihanna, slamming her head into the window of the car and holding her in her headlock until she nearly passed out.  We have all seen the pictures of her swollen face afterwards and yet he still has a loyal base of supporters.  So loyal in fact that a comedian who dared to stand up to him on twitter received numerous death threats for her tweets.... in their eyes this was apparently worse than physically harming your partner!!  Chris Brown's retaliation tweets were among the worst tweets I have ever seen on twitter and I was thankful when he removed his account, yet some days later he is back on twitter presenting as a changed man who is supporting a domestic violence campaign.  Is the general public's understanding of domestic abuse so off track that people will actually believe that after a few days this man has changed his whole entire belief system that made him feel entitled to beat his partner and write those atrocious tweets to another human being?  Domestic abuse perpetrators seldom change and when they do it takes years and years of specialised Domestic abuse programmes.

So why aren't people boycotting his records and speaking out about abuse?  People are very quick to judge Rihanna for going back to him and will happily tweet/talk about that, with no real understanding of the cycle of domestic abuse that keeps a victim under the power of the abuser and means that they will often return to them several times before getting help to fully end the relationship.  Everything society does from the lenient sentencing of 6 months labour for this crime,  to supporting his career undermines his crime...and yet people feel they are in a position to criticise and judge the actual victim when most do not see the severity of what he did themselves?

People who have been convicted of domestic abuse crimes are treated so differently from any other conviction, and this is shown by the shocking invitation to Justin Lee Collins to appear on Celebrity Big Brother.  He has only just finished his ridiculously lenient sentence of 140 community service and yet Channel 5 think that putting him on our televisions to gloat about the fact that he basically got off lightly is something that we want to see?  Again we all know what he did, we've all heard the tapes so why are we condoning domestic abuse by supporting his flagging career?  A source from Channel 5 thinks that this will give him the opportunity for viewers to see if he has changed or not as they will be able to watch him 24/7 and apparently if he does not attack anyone then he must be a reformed man.  If it was as easy as that and people were fully reformed after 140 hours trolley pushing ....there wouldn't be any crime in the world!!  The whole notion of what domestic abuse actually is has been completely missed here....domestic abuse is against one person normally a partner, so no we are unlikely to see Justin verbally abuse, drag by the hair, interrogate or threaten to kill his friends or strangers he meets in the false environment of the Big Brother house.  He is yet to admit that he was abusive, let alone enrolled in any domestic abuse perpetrator programmes, so I don't need to watch him on screen to decide whether he has changed...I already know the answer.

Do Channel 5 understand the impact that this will have on the actual victim of the crime?  Anna Larke has been incredibly brave in speaking out on a subject where unfortunately there was a real chance of her not even being believed.  She showed incredible courage and has gone on to give interviews to raise awareness and funds for domestic abuse campaigns.  To offer her perpetrator £100k and another chance of fame is just another blow when this woman has suffered enough.  It belittles the suffering of 1 in 4 women in the UK  who are unfortunate to find themselves in a domestic abuse situation, these victims and survivors do not want to be faced with a perpetrator on their screens.  This is a serious crime it causes endless damage to the victims and yet Channel 5 jump to help resurrect the career of someone convicted for harassment   Some have commented on twitter that its just too soon for him to appear on our tele....I would argue that it is never right for society to promote an abuser.  How are people meant to feel able to speak up about domestic abuse when we are parading abusers on television as if nothing happened?

We put Jimmy Saville on an untouchable pedestal ...lets not make the same mistake with domestic abuse perpetrators.  Domestic abuse and violence is a crime resulting in emotional and physical damage and tragically 2 women dying in the UK per week - lets speak out, raise awareness and treat  domestic abuse with the seriousness it deserves.
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Thank you Anna LarkeĀ 

10/10/2012

1 Comment

 
As we have seen from the evidence in the trial Justin Lee Collins is a perpetrator of domestic abuse.  In typical abuser style he probably never thought she would be believed and  will never take responsibility for his actions.  The trial for me had that familiarity again as his abuse was scarily similar to the abuse that my ex inflicted on me, so much so a friend sent me the details as she couldn't believe that JLC had done and said so many things the same as my abuser.  

In speaking up about the abuse Anna Larke did something that I have not felt able to do and for this I personally would like to thank her.  Taking this case to court was such a courageous thing to do, one that I admire and one that I wish I'd had the guts to do.   So why didn't I ......well there's a number of reasons:

  • Fear is the main one, the "threat of violence" that we've all been hearing about doesn't just go away....even when the relationship has long been over - the abuser is still out there and even the thought of facing him again brings back the fear
  • Would I be believed? People who know my abuse might describe him as funny, charming etc the same way as JLC was described . 
  • I  didn't want my life to be under public scrutiny, its hard to admit you've been abused
  • Some people blame the victim...and I'm not sure I could've handled that when I am speaking the truth.  Its the victim blaming culture that is part of the reason domestic abuse victims are so reluctant to speak up.   

The victim blaming towards Anna Larke has been shocking.  Supporters of JLC have attacked her for ruining his career.  Firstly, the only person to blame for that is JLC.....he chose to abuse so should be prepared to take the consequences.  Secondly, do these people really put someone's career ahead of the safety of a human being? If they do their priority list needs a huge shake up.   He abused her over a period of time and destroyed her spirit, and if she hadn't left the relationship who knows how it might of ended.  The stats showing that 2 women a week die from this crime should surely put this is perspective .....career loss or loss of life...now which is worse?

Oh of course then there are the attacks from people who are friends with JLC or who have worked with him saying they don't believe her because he was "a nice guy" , "charming", "always polite" etc .  These people seem to be completely lacking knowledge of what domestic abuse is, in fact its called "a hidden crime" for a reason!  The real abusive characteristics are even hidden from the victim to start with otherwise they'd never get a girlfriend.  Abusers woo, charm and create the excitement that is required to get their victim hooked before the abuse starts drip feeding through.  Often women are unaware of what is happening to them until its too late and they are so deep in the circle of abuse its hard to find a way out.

So in response to the people who have leapt forward to defend JLC's " impeccable" character....No you won't have experienced the name calling, the shouting and swearing in your face, the gritting of his teeth, the spitting at you, the dragging by your hair, the pushing and shoving, the threatening to kill you....because the abuse wasn't directed at you.  It was the victim that suffered this and she will have experienced this side as well as  just enough "Mr Nice Guy" for her to make excuses for him and keep her trapped in the abusive relationship.

Then there are the people that think she did this for the money......erm what money exactly?  Anna dealt with this in precisely the way it should have been dealt with...in a court of law.  If she had just wanted money I am sure there would have been lots of tabloids ready to pay her huge sums of money to sell her story.  This was by no means  the easiest route to take as by doing so she opened her life up to the public.   The statement released after the guilty verdict demonstrates that  Anna's family are committed to raising awareness of domestic abuse so that others do not suffer in the way she did.

What Anna did want is justice and acknowledgement that what she and others with similar abusive ex's suffered was criminal, she was brave and took to the stand to speak up for all to hear about the domestic abuse that she had suffered and I for one thank her immensely for this.  
                                           
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    I am a happy, fun, ordinary professional thirty something (for a few more months at least) woman,  who has lived and learnt and wants to put my negative experiences to some good use!!

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